In less than five minutes he'd out-talked me with some very slick ideas. He also used the word 'power', which is a word I'm not really acclimatised to, given I don't really wield any in most situations (perhaps over my cats?). He mapped out his life very quickly. He was successful, free enough, with a great villa and smashing career (not so great-looking however). Where was this headed? I looked nervously to the bar to a mate wagging a glass of beer in my direction. The nth of the morning.
Then he said the words 'Friends with Benefits' and I spluttered.
He'd started the conversation with, 'I think you are intelligent and anti-conventional.' Big booby trap there. I should have grasped his gist then. And when he dropped 'Friends with Benefits' I almost laughed, 'Oh, I call them F*** Buddies', before realising there was no need to take the conversation any further.
No, I'm not a prude. But back off mate!
Can I just say something, on this International Women's Day? I know this happens everywhere. And will do forever. We all remember Robert Redford's 'Indecent Proposal' to a leggy Demi Moore. His one million dollar will-you-sleep-with-me-one-night. Well, would you? For a million dollars I might (remember I'm a poor writer here), but all I could think last week was that this is where Berlusconi has placed us girls (and I'm not even young and booby!). We are there for the pickings, expected to be silly enough to be swayed by power and cash, by a guy who can't even tell a good joke!
My son came up behind me then. A big squeeze and a giant kid in a bright green ski helmet. Safety. Run girl. Run!
 |
| Give me a guy with some attitude and a paisley shirt |
Man oh man. I work with airline pilots so my notions are jaded. These fellows definitely assume we're here for --- benefits.
ReplyDeleteUh yeah. My health, life and disability bennies. PERIOD.
Haha oh the bennies. Yes to the bennies. But at least tell me a cracking joke plu-eese
DeleteIsn't it wonderful when you can walk away? And that you did it without laughing in his face is highly commendable. Seems to me you were the one with the power.
ReplyDeleteHow funny I just saw him again this weekend and his jaw was hanging there ...
DeleteAye. A real lad. One of the boys. An inadequate who thinks with his dick - in fact, IS a dick. But dicks = power don't ya know... Gotta laugh, my friend or you'd cry. In fact, I'm currently crying over all those younger sisters who think feminism is a dirty word - who think equality has been achieved. Oh yeah. I had the same experience today with a male client who clearly thought I'd put in 'all that special effort' he had thanked me for, for reasons related to how much I wanted to get into his pants. Nothing to do with the fact that I'm a perfectionist professional then...Argh!
ReplyDeleteOh Yvonne! How much you have to deal with! I can't imagine. The hilarious thing is that in Italy these cliches are so in-your-face that often I wonder how Italian women must react. I mean, are they real?
DeleteAnd equality. Huh? Thank God my daughter has seen my lot and knows there are no shortcuts there. How is Meg by the way?? Xcat
Hi Cat. Meg is doing fabulously well. I am so proud! She has made a real go of living in Berlin - seeking out all that the city has to offer and meeting so many new people that I'm dizzy trying to keep up! She has also taken to the language and her teachers tell her she will be classed as fluent by July - only 5 months after starting the lessons. She's back for Uni in Glasgow in September. But I somehow don't see her sticking around Scotland (or the UK for that matter) for very long after she's finished...! She's planning a trip to Italy next Summer. I think I'll be tagging along for a few days at least... Yx
DeleteNever heard of Friends with Benefits before (... oi oi I almost feel like a vergin)! Almost.
ReplyDeleteI looked it up and the Italian wiki does not help. The English wiki does! F**** Buddies however is more to the point.
Well Willemijn if some dude ever talks to you about being a 'friend with benefits' then beware! At least ask what the deal might entail for you. No harm in being informed.
DeleteAs you say f*** buddies is much more to the point !
What a charmer.
ReplyDeleteI once worked for a short time with this older married Mormon dude who wanted us to get a room so he could "steal something" from my husband. Seriously? Even if I had been attracted, where's the romance? Where's the effort?
Averil you're making me laugh. If that's what it's about - stealing something from your husband - then what dyou have to do with it? You're just the means! And meaningless!
DeleteI just read a great piece called something like "What guys needs to stop doing on OKCupid", and one of its central (and reiterated) messages was Women. Do. Not. Owe. Men. Anything. Particularly. Sex. So. Stop. Acting. Like. They. Do. (I added the periods, because, well, why not.) A woman was grabbed from behind and sexually assaulted here in Toronto at 5pm on a subway station last week. WTF. I don't understand.
ReplyDeleteI kind of wish you'd stared him down and said scornfully "In what way, exactly, would I benefit from you?" but I fear he'd actually have taken that as an invitation.
Oh freaky. When it comes to assault I am terrified. I can't abide the idea of being weaker and oh! the awful things that happen to women. Lack of balance. Lack of respect.
DeleteIf I'd have been interested I might have been rude enough to draw up a contract right there and see it through but ahem, that's not my way of doing things. Plus I know his family! Yerk!
How interesting. However the big red buzzer would've been going off in my head the minute he started, 'mapping out his life' to me. God that is such a turn-off. True coolness is having all those things and letting ME discover them. One thing about him, he did have great taste in women..hahaha. I love your posts!
ReplyDeleteLeslie (Gwen Moss)
Haha! I should have smartened up earlier you are right. Great taste in women?? I never ever thought of that I was too busy running away! Ah yes to mystery and slow delightful discovery..
DeleteSometimes I think the women's movement has achieved nothing. Meanwhile, there are others who think it's achieved everything and has no place. The truth, as it so often is, is somewhere in between - there's a long way to go yet.
ReplyDeleteAh the women's movement! So much infighting and pulling others down and in my view, a lot of stereotypes. There are so many way to be a successful, fulfilled woman, just as there are so many different forms of being oppressed and unappreciated. All I know is that I want my daughter to be more enlightened, more feisty and perhaps more graceful than I have been. I want certain things to hurt less, I want her to think hard and be responsible for where she goes with her life. Liberation begins at home!
DeleteWhat he described was not Friends With Benefits as you are not friends. Point blank.
ReplyDeleteIn L.A. (and with many younger Americans FWB) is basically how people "date" as folks are too busy for relationships.
In Italy I think there is a lot of twisting of American or English terms to suit the context. I mean this 'spread' they keep using as an economic term - this is when I have buckets more respect for the French who would have coined a word in their own language.
DeleteTrue, this guy was no friend of mine. He just thought I was a viable divorcée I guess..