Friday, 2 January 2015

The Divorced Author's Guide to New Year's Resolutions

1. Don't bother about saying you are giving up coffee. You never will.
2. Don't bother dressing up for work.
3. When in doubt about your current project, go for a drive listening to Rachmaninov. You will realise the smallness of your concerns.
4. Try and food shop for your offspring
5. Do not buy another Moleskin for your writing notes. It will join the fifteen empty ones in your drawer.
6. When depressed, try cleaning the house. Remember it makes you feel useful.
7. When doubly depressed, swim a hundred laps and watch Law & Order eating a huge spinach omelette. You will feel strong and righteous.
8. Decide what you're going to do about the mouse in the attic.
9. Who cares about the story order in your new unpublished story collection?
10. DO NOT talk to non-writers about the order of the stories in your new collection.
11. DO NOT ask your adult son to read new short stories with embarrassing sex scenes.
12. Accept that impoverished writers do not require countless pairs of gorgeous leather boots and Dolce e Gabbana stilettos. Yet.
13. Fill the damned fridge!
14. Don't bark at your offspring when they hungrily ask for an Italian lunch. At 4pm.
15. Stop screaming at hunters in the fields just because they are killing doddery pheasants and you think they are cruel beings. Remember they might take a potshot at the wild foreign woman dressed like a Sherpa.
16. Get off Facebook. Try and understand Twitter.
17. Don't eat ALL the Pierre Marcolini chocolates in three days.
18. Try and remember one good joke.
19. Blog regularly, eat regularly, sleep regularly.
20. Feed the cats.

Good luck and a marvellous 2015 to all you divorced authors and more balanced people as well!


  1. Best. Resolutions. Ever.

    Happy New Year, Cat! May we all eventually fill up those empty Moleskin notebooks, and may we also not worry one whit about cleaning house. It just gets dirty again anyway, right??

    1. Thanks Teri and I hope your next year is just as exciting as the last. I've really enjoyed your blog this year, so much wisdom and wryness!
      Call me if you swing by Venice. Was great to meet you. That Barbera in Rialto!

    2. The Moleskins... oh the Moleskins. I always think I can't possibly begin to write in an old notebook, and therefore need a new notebook. Also pens. And another pack of index cards. And hey, maybe a bulletin board...

    3. I definitely have a thing for pens, I mean serious pens. But do I write longhand? Nahhh I'm a screen queen. And the thing with writing down stuff frightens me - I get weird about it losing its magic. And yet how many times have I totally forgotten an idea?
      So sad your blog is finishing. It was and will always be one of my favourites.

  2. I would never even think of giving up coffee, I love it, especially in Italy. I'm not interested in Facebook or Twitter and I hate housework. I also don't make resolutions.

    1. I agree Debra, it's wisest not too. Re housework: I'd rather read. And do!
      What I really hope for is safety and good health for all of us and our families!

  3. Hi Cat. You are asking too much of yourself. Divide your resolutions by at least 5. Wishing you a fabulous, exciting, productive and stress free 2015 Lyn
    Ps I cannot comment under

    1. You too Lyn!
      You're right, perhaps I should scrap the chocolate and the designer shoe resolutions.. They are almost unfair!

  4. Haha, great resolutions that make sense to me too. I particularly love NO. 3 and, while I'm not a writer, got a laugh out of NO. 10. Oh, and re NO. 5, I have so many gorgeous notebooks that I have never written in for fear of spoiling them. Anyhow, I wish you a wonderful 2015!

    1. No 3 is essential for me right now. I'm on a Rachmaninov roll. Glad you had a laugh. You have no idea how many bits of paper with story titles that I have stuck to my window, constantly being rearranged. Ahh Moleskins.. I received yet another one this Xmas but Bruce Chatwin I am not! Many happy events and much fruitful reading for you too Sue in 2015

  5. Hysterical and yes many gorgeous notebooks still blank because I love them too much to write in them and continue to write is horrid exercise books, oh and the sex scenes and the son cracked me up!!! Brilliant and sending love and fabulous wishes for 2015 xxxx

    1. Yes I could start a market stall too with my empty notebooks. Entirely true, the sex scenes and my son's horror. Though eldest son and daughter don't seem to care.
      All best to you and fam this year too Lisa. Good health and many wonderful moments xxx

  6. ha. this is the best new year's resolutions list. I couldn't pick my favorite although I admit I've never really watched Law and Order, I hate hunters and their fixation with killing things and I suddenly have a powerful craving for spinach omelette.
    oh-and feeding the kids is over-rated hahaha
    sending hugs and happy vibes for the new year!

    1. Spinach omelette is the best. Now you've got me wanting to do some laps.
      As for kid-cooking, I've persevered for years and finally they all come running home for my amazing salads and fruit flans!
      Glad you enjoyed the list. Hope 2015 is wonderful for you in your new corner of the world.
      Hugs cat X

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